June Read/4

Title: Beyond Reason: Using Emotions As You Negotiate

Authors: Fisher, Roger; Shapiro, Daniel

Call Number: 302.3 F535B 2005

Subjects: Negotiation; Emotions

Number of Pages: 246

ISBN: 9780670034505

Book Description (from the inside flap):

            In Beyond Reason, you will discover five “core concerns” that motivate people: appreciation, affiliation, autonomy, status, and role. You will learn how to use these core concerns to generate helpful emotions in yourself and in others. Armed with this knowledge, you can gauge the needs of another negotiator, set the emotional tone of discussion, and reach a mutually acceptable agreement.

            Beyond Reason clarifies the complicated, “fuzzy” world of emotions and offers straightforward, practical advice. It builds on previous work of the Harvard Negotiation Project, the group that brought you the groundbreaking book Getting to YES. Here, world-renowned negotiator Roger Fisher teams up with psychologist Daniel Shapiro, an expert on the emotional dimension of negotiation. They show you how to employ emotions to turn a disagreement-big or small, professional or personal-into an opportunity for mutual gain.

            Fresh, insightful, and relevant to any interaction, Beyond Reason is certain to become a lasting classic for dealing with anyone form family and friends to colleagues, customers, and employees.

My Read:

            The chapter and the part I appreciate the most coming from the book is Chapter 10: On Using Account by Jamil Mahuad, Former President of Ecuador. The centuries-old conflict between the two countries, Peru and Ecuador, is finally amended by two wise leaders, Alberto Fujimori , President of Peru, and Jamil Mahuad, President of Ecuador. Just like any good nonfiction book I have read, this chapter serves as a case study recounting a true event taken place in human history. I so enjoyed perusing this chapter and appreciated the magic moment permeating through the image the newspaper headline picture had caught.

President of Ecuador-Left and
President of Peru-Right

 

 

            In the Conclusion Chapter the authors ask: If we disagree with someone, how can we interact in ways that stimulate positive emotions in both of us? Upon answering this critical question, the authors advise that first one has to take the initiative. Instead of passively waiting and reacting, one had better to prepare an emergency plan to be proactive and ready for any emotions to happen then one would address the concerns not the emotion. It’s like taking away the fuel to avoid the fire being further sparking or burning.

            Following the single important question, the authors reinforce the five core concerns that each occupies a full chapter to be discussed and be fully explained. The five core concerns are(from page 204)

1-      Express Appreciation: Feeling unappreciated puts people down. We can appreciate others by understanding their point of view; finding merits in what they think, feel, or do; and communicating our understanding through words or action. We can appreciate ourselves, too.

2-      Build Affiliation: Rather than having each negotiator feel alone and disconnected, we can try to build structural connections (the roles that place us in a common group) as colleagues and personal connection as confidants.

3-      Respect Autonomy: Recognize that everyone wants freedom to affect or make a great many decision. We can expand our autonomy and avoid impinging upon theirs.

4-      Acknowledge Status: No one likes to feel demeaned. Rather than compete with others over who has the higher social status, we can acknowledge everyone’s areas of particular status, including our own.

5-      Choose a Fulfilling role: An unfulfilling role leaves us feeling trivialized and unengaged Yet we are free to choose roles that help us and others work together. And we can expand the activities within any role to make them fulfilling.

Notes I took from reading this book:

-The assumption that the one with whom you are negotiating is an adversary dominates a great negotiations And that assumption typically prevents everyone form doing as well as they might. Page 53 Assumption truly could stampede people’s efforts and time to make ends met and it could cause plenty of misunderstanding that sabotage a great deal of relationships.

-Wise decisions involve both your head and your gut. Page 68 And when you are checking with your gut or your intuition to learn how something would feel to you, you may need to be careful not to substitute someone else’s presumed feeling for your own. Page 71 Here the authors restate the importance of not assuming things or situations or feelings.

-

June Read/3

Title: The Tell: The Little Clues That Reveal Big Truths About Who We Are

Author: Hertenstein, Matthew

Call Number: 153.69 H573T 2013

Subjects: Human Behavior; Body Language; Forecasting-Psychological Aspects

Number of Pages: 268

ISBN: 9780465031658

Book Description (from the flap):

            Every day we make predictions based on limited information, in business and at home. Will this company’s stock performance continue? Will the job candidate I just interviewed be a good employee? What kind of adult will my child grow up to be? We tend to dismiss our predictive minds as prone to bias and mistake, but in The Tell, psychologist Matthew Hertenstein reveals that our intuition is surprisingly good at using small clues to make big predictions, and shows how we can make better decisions by homing in on the right details.

            Just as expert poker players use their opponents’ tells to see through their bluffs, Hertenstein shows that we can likewise train ourselves to read physical cues to significantly increase our predictive acumen. By looking for certain clues, we can accurately call everything from election results to the likelihood of marital success, IQ scores to sexual orientation-even from flimsy evidence, such as an old yearbook photo or a silent one-minute video. Moreover, by understanding how people read our body language, we can adjust our own behavior so as to ace our next job interview or tip the dating scales in our favor.

            Drawing on rigorous research in psychology and brain science, Hertenstein shows us how to hone our powers of observation to increase our predictive capacities. A charming testament to the power of the human mind, The Tell, will, to paraphrase Sherlock homes, show us how to notice what we see.

My Read:           

     I found chapter 10: Political Punditry: Any Kid Can Do It to be the most interesting chapter in the book. In this chapter not only did I read, the first time, the letter written to A B Lincoln by the little eleven-year-old Grace Bedell but also the reply to this little girl by the 16^th president, Abraham Lincoln. There might not be any conclusive evidence to reveal if the change of his appearance did have influence or impact on his electoral victory. But the effect and dramatic transformation of the facial change were pretty obvious to the public.

          

            There are some interesting and/or helpful points and concepts made by the author. Here are some I could recall:

- Chapter six: From Dating to Mating:

Seeing men: Both men and women prefer symmetrical faces and bodies over their lopsided counterparts for two reasons: good genes and good health-page 88 Women prefer the smell of T-shirts worn by symmetrical men-page 109

Seeing women: Many women widely deemed beautiful have waist-to-hip ratios hovering around 0.7 or less.

Relationship: Emotional and verbal expressions of contempt are particularly corrosive to relationship-page 104. The golden ratio for marital bliss seems to be 5:1-five positive statements to every negative one-whereas the toxic ratio for marital dissolution is about 1:1-page 105

-Chapter Four: Who Are You Anyway:

Three clues not only drive people’s perceptions of intelligence but provide clues to our actual mental chops: eye gaze, vocal qualities, and level of attractiveness-page 57

-Chapter Eight: The Power of Enthusiasm

By merely behaving more enthusiastically, a professor can not only raise student evaluations of his teaching but also improve the quality of the course textbook-page 140 This is good news to me for it seems being enthusiastic is contagious.

Chapter Seven: Detecting Deception

The clues to use: microexpressions, reliable muscles(surrounding the eyes), squelched expressions(the expressions are less complete meaning they last longer than microexpressions therefore making them more identifiable), lopsided facial display(asymmetrical smile or expression), timing of the emotional display, the eyes, the voice, and the relationship between facial displays and other behaviors-page 111-126

Chapter Two: The Genes in All of Us

The amygdala held the key to the difference between timid and bold children-page 23

The brain is much more malleable than once thought, and intervening to prevent the onset of autism or socializing an anxious child to handle the world more adaptively may have a powerful effect on how an individual turns out-page 25

The last point reinforces the points I have learned from another book about the brain and its growing capability in a lifetime. The brain is an ever growing organism which implies that everyone has every chance and opportunity to develop and grow into his/her greatness in this life. Failure once or many times doesn’t mean one can’t live to his/her fullness; there is always next try and next handy happier and more successful life waits at the end of the tunnel.

Go, and never give up too soon!

Reference:

Truth Wizard-http://www.eyesforlies.com/

The letter from Grace Bedell to the 16^th president, Hon A B Lincoln

NY
Westfield Chatauque CO
Oct. 15, 1860
Hon A B Lincoln
Dear Sir:
My father has just home from the fair and brought home your picture and Mr. Hamlin's. I am a little girl only eleven years old, but what you should be President of the United States very much so I hope you won't think me very bold to write to, such a great man as you are. Have you any little girls about as large as I am if so give them my love and tell her to write to me if you cannot answer this letter I have got 4 brothers and part of them will vote for you any way, and if you will let your whiskers grow I will try and get the rest of them to vote for you you would look a great deal better for you face is so thin All the ladies like whiskers and they would tease their husbands to vote for you and then you would be President. My father is going to vote for you and if I was a man I would vote for you you to but I will try and get every one to vote for you that i can I think that rail fence around your picture makes it look very pretty I have got a little baby sister she is nine weeks old and is just as cunning as can be When you direct your letter direct to Grace Bedell westfield Chatauqaue county Net York
I must not write any more answer this letter right off Good bye
Grace Bedell

The letter from the 16^th president, Hon A B Lincoln to the little girl, Grace Bedell

Springfield, Ill, Oct. 19, 1860

Miss Grace Bedell

My dear little Miss

Your very agreeable letter of the 15th is received.

I regret the necessity of saying I have no daughters. I have three sons-one seventeen, one nine, and one seven, years of age. They,

with their mother, constitute my whole family.

As to the whiskers, having never worn any, do you not think people would call it a piece of silly affection if I were to begin it now?

Your very sincere well wisher

A. Lincoln

June Read/Patti 3

Title: Red, White & Blue Murder

Author: Bill Crider, published 2003

Patti's Read:

                Sheriff Dan Rhodes has to solve the murder of Graf Bilson, who was knocked on the head and burned up in his farm house by arson.

                There are many incidents along the way, including where Bilson’s wife shot up the fireworks stand where Bilson’s mistress worked, and set the place on fire.

                It turns out that James Allen and Ralph Oliver murdered the man and another because they used county workmen and county materials for their own personal properties instead of for the county use.

June Read/Lydia

Title: Tracking Trash

Author: Loree Griffin Burns

ISBN: 13:978-0-618-58131-3

Pages: 56

Lydia's Read: 

The book is made up of five chapters. In chapter 1: A Spill of Opportunity, it introduces an interesting investigation of an oceanographer. Dr. Curtis Ebbesmeyer, an oceanographic consultant, who studied ocean movements and helped determine where to place a cleaned sewage outflow pipe in the sea. But in 1990, Curtis’s career took an interesting turn. His mother read an article in a local newspaper that described a landfall of hundreds of sneakers on beaches. She believed that her son could find out the origin of the sneakers. Curtis didn’t want to disappoint his mother and began his investigation at the beach. He collected a lot of information about the sneakers with beachcombers, who spend their time searching for interesting things at the ocean shore. Finally he could identify, that the sneakers were spilled from the ship “Hansa Carrier” and the spilled location. Although it started from his mother’s curiosity, the “sneaker chase” had become much, much more. He believed that sneaker spill represented the greatest oceanographic drift experiment.

Loree Griffin Burns

In chapter 2: The Science of Ocean Motion, it teaches us the ocean movements. Ocean movements are driven by complicated forces that include wind systems, the rotation of the planet, and variation in water temperature, density, and saltiness. The sum of these forces is strong currents that move in fairly predictable patterns. For a long time, oceanographers have used drifting objects to study the movement of the ocean. Over time they improved their drift equipment from sealed glass bottles, in which included a survey letter, to satellite-tracked drift objects. Curtis thought the “Hansa Carrier” spill represents the largest ocean drift experiment and would be useful to study ocean movement. He contacted his fellow oceanographer W. James Ingraham. James had spent years perfecting a computer program that could calculate surface current movement in the North Pacific Ocean. The program called the Ocean Surface CURrent Simulator (nicknamed OSCURS). OSCURS predicted that the drift of the sneakers would have been very different from year to year.

In chapter 3: Another Day, Another Spill, it shows several cases of spills in the ocean. While Curtis and James tracked the sneakers, they heard about other various cargo spills that they could use to learn about ocean currents. Meanwhile they asked new spill data to OSCURS, they have contacted with the beachcombing community. They found the Beachcombers’ and Oceanographers’ International Association (BOIA) to help and prepare for future spills in the ocean.

In chapter 4: The Garbage Patch, it talks about the plastic pollution in the ocean. The Garbage Patch lies in a convergence zone, an area of the ocean where numerous currents come together and force surface waters to sink. Captain Charlie Moore, who is the founder of the Algalita Marine Research Foundation (AMRF), and his colleagues discovered the Eastern Garbage Patch in the Pacific Ocean. Its location coincided exactly with the place James’s hypothetical drifters collected in the OSCURS long-term drift experiment. Charlie’s research team collected samples in the Garbage Patch and got the result; they found six pounds of plastics for every pound of zooplankton. That point of this study was that there isn’t any place free from plastic pollution in the oceans. AMRF plan to continue tracking trash in the Eastern Garbage Patch and other places in the world ocean.

In chapter 5, Monster Debris means all kind of trash in the ocean. It includes ghost nets, that are lost, ripped, or thrown from fishing vessel, can tangle marine creatures, even trash in their path. Drifting ghost nets also crush and scrape coral reefs, ruining hundreds of year worth of coral growth in the crash of a single wave. These ghost nets are highly destructive. How do you find ghost nets in an ocean that is larger than all seven continents combined? The job would be like trying to find a needle in a haystack…, unless you know something about Pacific Ocean currents and how floating objects drift in them. Combining information from satellites with information from computer models like OSCURS will help scientists to locate the Garbage Patch -and therefore ghost nets- more accurately.

This book has awoken the reader to the troubling quantity of trash adrift on the ocean, especially plastic. What can you do to help save the ocean from plastic? There is no organism anywhere on the planet that can digest plastic. Captain Charlie Moore emphasized the three R’s in the book; Reduce, Reuse, and Recycle.

June Read/2

Title: Who Switched off My Brain: Controlling Toxic Thoughts and Emotions

Author: Leaf, Caroline

Call Number: 153 L434W 2008

Subjects: Thought and thinking; Brain; Self-Actualization; Healing(psychological aspects)

Number of Pages: 143

ISBN: 9780980122329

Book Description (from amazon.com)

We're living in an epidemic of toxic emotions. Research shows that as much as 87% to 95% of mental and physical illnesses are a direct result of toxic thinking—proof that our thoughts affect us physically and emotionally.    

In this best-selling book, Dr. Caroline Leaf clearly communicates 13 ways to detox your thought life and live a life of physical, mental, and emotional wholeness.

My Read:

            活在當下-“To live at the present” is what I am feeling as I peruse the pages from page one til the last page. The table of contents tells the readers what’s inside the book and what to expect right from the beginning: chapter one-The Anatomy of a Thought; chapter two-The Growth of a Thought; chapter three-Thoughts Gone Wrong; chapter four-A Toxic Pathway; chapter five-Toxic Thoughts and Children; chapter six-Detox Your Brain!

            The chapters I find the most helpful are chapter two and chapter six. Chapter two details about how a thought is generated, how the thought goes to different parts of the brain, and how the thought becomes emotion, attitude, and then behavior. At chapter six the author gives the readers13 steps teaching the readers how to detox their brain. The 13 steps are as followed:

1-      Consciously control your thoughts: the author states thoughts create our mood. If we can have the habit of ask-answer-discuss with the self it can help us to control our thoughts and build strong memory. “Correct, positive thinking is also shown to “grow” your brain. The brain “grows” when new connections form. Even as you get older, you can continue to increase your intelligence without limits, as long as the input is positive and healthy.”-page 113 I agree with the author that learning is a lifelong process. We are able to acquire intelligence and wisdom as long as we maintain a positive attitude toward life matters. When we leave this material world what do we carry over? It’s a question I keep on asking myself. The energy never vanishes. So are intelligence and wisdom we gather from living in this world.

2-      Frame your world with your words. The author says: positive thinking means congruent thinking.

3-      Express those emotions. The author repeats here that many disorders and illnesses originate from suppressing one’s emotions and feelings.

4-      Take responsibility and take control

5-      Dream on. The author suggests that dreams are conversations between the body and mine.

6-      Think forgiveness. “Forgiveness is a choice, an act of your free will. It enables you to release all those toxic thoughts of anger, resentment, bitterness, shame, grief, regret, guilt and hate. These emotions hold your mind in a nasty, vice-like grip. Most importantly, as long as these unhealthy toxic thoughts dominate your mind, you will not be able to grow new healthy thoughts and memories.”-page 122

7-      Love-tune into your heart. Follow your heart is advised by the author

8-      Monkey-hug therapy. “Good touching releases the body’s natural chemicals in a healing process that optimizes your feelings of well-being.” –page 128

9-      Play and laugh. “Our emotions are what connect us and give us a sense of unity, a feeling that we are part of something greater.”-page 129

10-  Exercise

11-  Diet

12-  The spiritual aspect

13-  Relax!

To be positive is not just some advice or words we keep on repeating; it’s an attitude of living. And it’s the best advice my mentor has ever passed to me!!

June Read

Title: Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success

Author: Grant, Adam

Call Number: 158.2 G761G 2013

Subjects: Success-Psychological Aspects; Success in Business-Psychological Aspects; Interpersonal Relations-Psychological Aspects; Social Networks-Psychological

Number of Pages: 305

ISBN: 9780670026555

Book Description:

            For generations, we have focused on the individual drivers of success: passion, hard work, talent, and luck. But in today’s dramatically reconfigured world, success is increasingly dependent on how we interact with others. Give and Take illuminates what effective networking, collaboration, influence, negotiation, and leadership skills have in common.

            Adam Grant, an award-winning researcher and Wharton’s highest-rated professor, examines the surprising forces that shape why some people rise to the top of the success ladder while others sink to the bottom. In professional interactions, it turns out that most people operate as either takers, matchers, or givers. Whereas takers strive to get as much as possible from others and matchers aim to trade evenly, givers are the rare breed of people who contribute to others without expecting anything in return.

            Using his own groundbreaking studies, Grant reveals that these styles have a dramatic impact on success. Although some givers get exploited and burn out, the rest achieve extraordinary results across a wide range of industries. Combining cutting-edge evidence with captivating stories, this landmark book shows how one of America’s best networkers developed his connections; why the creative genius behind one of the most popular shows in television history toiled for years in anonymity; how a basketball executive responsible for multiple draft busts transformed his franchise into a winner; and how we could have anticipated Enron’s demise four years before the company collapsed-without ever looking at a single number.

            Praised by social scientists, business theorists, and corporate leaders, Give and Take opens up an approach to work, interactions, and productivity that is nothing short of revolutionary. This visionary approach to success has the power to transform not just individuals and groups but entire organizations and communities.

My Read:

            The title of the chapter four in this book says it all: Finding the Diamond in the Rough. It’s what happened at the time I was packing for my latest trip to the Zion National Park. The night before the trip I accidentally ran into this book that I checked out from the library weeks ago. Instead of the laptop, I packed this book in my bag. It turned out that it’s a good pick.

            After leafing the table of contents I chose chapter five to begin the book; it’s called The Power of Powerless Communication. Some saying in this chapter struck a chord; I felt something warm piling up at the bedtime. It’s the list of tentative markers the author compiled on the page 144. I had no clue that for years I have practiced those markers in my life. Amazing how an author is capable of gathering results of studies and put them into words for the world to peruse and pursue.

            Givers are kindhearted, friendly, humble, and silently intelligent. After finishing this book I got impression that to give is like the art of Tai Chi. From the outside what a person sees the Tai Chi is slow motion, soft, and forceless. One would wonder how the exercise of Tai Chi could keep the rivals away or even retreat the opponents without injury. Because the more one pushes his/her forces the more resistant one would get from the other person or people. The Chinese have a saying: 以退為進 meaning: to retreat in order to advance or to make concessions in order to gain advantages.

            The author advises that, in addition to the three elements for success: motivation, ability, and luck, there is this fourth factor essential enough for someone to not only succeed individually but also make impact and influence on others. It’s how a person approaches his interactions with other people. It’s not the what but how matters. He also mentions that it’s not usually the talents or skills that impress a scout or a coach/mentor; it’s the passion, perseverance, and work ethic that make a person stand out among his peers/opponents. That reinforces what I have always believed: mindset and attitude speak a loud language I couldn’t ignore or bypass.

            Some of the words in this book deserve some time to peruse, digest, and reflect:

-Giving and taking are based on our motives and values, and they’re choices that we make regardless of whether our personalities trend agreeable or disagreeable.—page 192

-But when givers are advocating for someone else, pushing is closely aligned with their values of protecting and promoting the interests of others; givers can chalk it up to caring.—page 208

-The more we work to distinguish ourselves from others, the greater our risk of losing our sense of belongingness.—page 233

-The only way you can really know is if you ask the patient and you have a dialogue-page 88 about responsibility bias

Interesting Websites:

LoveMachine-www.lovemachineinc.com

106 Miles Meetup-www.meetup.com/106miles

Venture Blog-www.ventureblog.com

Susan Cain-www.thepowerofintroverts.com

https://getraised.com

Freecycle-www.freecycle.org

Servicespace-www.servicespace.org

HopeMob-http://hopemob.org

GoGiver-www.thegogiver.com/community

Kiva-wwwkiva.org

May Read/Ruby 1& 2 & 3

Title: Club CSI: The Case Of The Mystery Meat Loaf

                                  Missing Moola

                                   Disappearing Dogs

Author: David Lewman

Ruby's Read:

    Hannah, Ben and Corey were the students of Woodlands Junior High, they had known one another since they'd entered kindergarten in their small Nevada town, but in seventh grade they'd ended up in separate home rooms. Luckily, they still had several classes together. From this semester, they were going to take a class of earth science together, but since their science teacher had retired for some reasons, they got a new teacher for " Forensic Science". In the class, they started to learn how to collect evidence to support the argument.

    Three of them loved the ways which the science teacher -Miss Hodges taught them, and they were starting a club which was called "Club CSI". CSI stands for Crime Scene Investigation. They also decided to let Miss Hodges to be their official adviser, it's not only would be an official school club, but also could ask Miss Hodges questions how to do their investigations.

    The first case of Club CSI was the meatless meat loaf. Miss Hodges suggested the chief of school to provide healthier food for students, and she gave a recipe to the chief, but a bunch of students had gotten sick to their stomachs after the first meatless meat loaf lunch. The members of Club CSI investigated the crime scene - kitchen, took some pictures, and collected some evidence. They found out who was the criminal at last.

   

The second case of Club CSI was about the missing one hundred. Corey's class was collecting money from selling magazine subscription for their trip to Washington D.C., but there was a hundred dollars short when teacher took the whole money from the locked metal box. Unfortunately, several kids suspected Corey stole the money, he needed to clean his name, and he knew his best friends could help him do it. Three members of Club CSI found fingerprints they believed belonged to the thief, a feather at the crime scene, and even knew the combination to the padlock of metal box was a math puzzle, but they still couldn't find out what the connection is. They didn't give up,talked to a lot of students, visited the expert of locksmith...., and they found out who was the criminal finally.

   

The third case was about the disappearing dogs. Hannah's puppy "Molly" was an Australian cattle dog and she liked to stay with her owner all the time. One night after Hannah and Molly took a walk before bed, Hannah helped her mother to set the garbage in place for the truck to pick up early the next morning and went to bed. Every morning, when Hannah woke up, the first thing she heard was Molly outside her bedroom door, but this morning there was no noise at the door - Molly was missing!! Hannah's parents thought that Hannah might have accidentally left the gate open when she moved the trash can the night before, but Hannah insisted she was positive she closed the gate. Three members of Club CSI found some crumbs from a dog biscuit, small pieces of glass and footprint in Hannah's backyard. In the end, they found out who was the criminal and saved dogs not only Molly but also others.

June Read/Patti 2

Title: Wishbones

Author: Carolyn Haines 

Patti's Read:

                A Sarah Delaney Booth mystery.  Sarah has a movie role that takes her and Graf Milieu her lover to Costa Rica.

 The director, Federico Marquez, is going to film the movie at the house his deceased wife was given by her father when they wed. The wife died of anorexia.  The daughter hates her father and there are lots of bad accidents.  The house has secret passages. 

The murderess kidnaps the daughter and tries to kill Federico because she is the unrecognized daughter of Federico’s first wife.  She does get captured and all works out, but the film is destroyed and there is nothing to show for all the hard work. 

June Read/Patti

Title: Of All Sad Words
Author: Bill Crider
Patti's Read:

Sheriff Dan Rhodes has a murder on his hands when a mobile home blows up and one occupant, Terry, is found dead a short distance away.

There are many suspects. At the end, it is discovered that Larry, the victim’s brother killed him and blew up the mobile home so he could due the propane company for supposedly having a defective propane tank.

It was an easy ans interesting cozy mystery read.  I like the series.